On Gratitude
What is gratitude and why does it matter?
We’re all taught to say “thank you” from a very early age. But what does it mean to be truly grateful and why does it matter?
Over the past 10 years, psychologists have discovered that gratitude is closely associated with many benefits for individuals, from better physical and mental health to greater happiness and life satisfaction. And it’s got loads of social benefits as well like strengthening relationships and improving workplace environments.
Gratitude Influencers
Several things can affect how we experience gratitude.
Personality. There is some evidence that gratitude is associated with personality. In other words, some people are just more inclined to be grateful.
Perception. How you perceive a certain benefit or gift can also influence the level of gratitude you feel. For instance, people are more likely to feel gratitude for a gift they believe has been given out of sincerity and generosity than for one they feel is obligatory. Similarly, whether you see a benefit as something you have earned or something that was bestowed on you can also affect how much gratitude you feel.
Culture. Some studies have shown that women feel more grateful than men, although researchers in one study comparing gratitude in men and women from the United States and Germany found that German men reported experiencing more gratitude than the American men did, suggesting cultural influences may also play a role. Some studies have shown that in some cultures, gratitude is often linked to negative emotions including guilt, indebtedness, embarrassment, or awkwardness.
Materialism. Levels of envy and materialism affect gratitude, too. Focusing on what we don’t have directly contradicts feeling grateful for what we do have, making it hard to feel both grateful and envious at the same time.
Memory. Recent studies have shown that we are more likely to remember negative experiences and barriers we’ve had to overcome than positive experiences and the benefits we’ve enjoyed. This “headwind/tailwind asymmetry” makes us less likely to feel gratitude for those benefits.
What we were taught. How we were taught to experience and express gratitude as children likely also has an impact on our ability to feel gratitude as adults. Were you taught to say thank you simply as good manners? Or were you encouraged to notice things to be thankful for, think about why we were given those things, how you feel about the things you were given, and expressing appreciation for those things?
Cultivating Gratitude
Okay, so what if you don’t have a naturally grateful disposition or your parents didn’t teach you to think deeply about your birthday gifts? Good news! Gratitude is a skill we can develop and researchers have identified some tools to help us do just that. One of the easiest ways to start is by keeping a gratitude journal.
How to start a Gratitude Journal
Over the next 4 weeks, at least once a week sit down for 15 minutes and list 3 to 5 things you are grateful for. It can be something as small as a great cup of coffee to something as big as a finding your perfect soulmate.
The description of each item can be short, just a sentence or two, but try to be specific. “I am grateful that my spouse walked the dog this morning so I could get an extra half-hour of sleep” will be more beneficial than “I’m grateful for my spouse.”
Keys to success:
Focusing on the people you’re grateful for has a bigger impact than focusing on the things you are grateful for. “I am grateful for the woman who held the elevator door for me when I was running late” will be more effective than “I’m glad I made it to my appointment on time.”
Don’t overdo it. Studies have shown that students who kept a weekly gratitude journal had greater feelings of gratitude for a longer period of time than students who kept a daily journal. If it starts to feel like a chore, save up for a couple of days and journal all at once.
Write regularly, whether it’s once a week or once a day. Pick a time and commit to it. Some people find that keeping their journal on their pillow and writing their list just before bedtime is helpful, while others find the quiet and solitude of early morning suits them best.
